Parties!

I've been waiting all week for this day to get here & it's finally here! It's a big day filled with 3 different parties.

• The 1st one is at 3 p.m. today. It's a bridal shower for my friend and co-worker Amanda. She is getting married on October 3rd & we are showering her with gifts at the Olive Garden today. Yippee.
• The 2nd is a company work party. Call Assist is actually doing something nice for us. Surprise! They've hired the Pauni Catering to cater a luau. This party is at 5 p.m. at Willow Park so I plan to only order salad at the Olive Garden...hey ya can't beat free food! You may recognize the Pauni name cause they were a recipient of an extreme makeover on their home a few years back on the popular show "Extreme Home Makeover."
  
• The 3rd & final party is tonight at 9 p.m. It's a bachelorette party for Amanda at the Eagles Club. I may or may not attend this one. We'll see.

Gotta run & start getting ready. Fun times ahead. :)

My birthday week!

I was born April, 16 1976. That means that this past week I completed my 33rd year of life. As always I was completely spoiled & felt very much loved and adored. Here are the high lights from the week of celebration.

Please don't be to harsh regarding my picture taking ability.

• 1st I'm not a master or even an amateur photographer.
• 2nd The only camera I have is the one on my phone.
• 3rd and most importantly I was completely drunk while taking most of these pics
  

Thursday was the 16th and my birthday. I went to work but about an hour into my shift Harri had the most brilliant idea ever.....

(Harri at Angie's. When she sees this she is going to be pissed...no makeup!)

Birthday breakfast at Angie's Restaurant! We told our managers that we HAD to go, & off we went! Thanks Manda & Janet for not firing us! :) Angie's is the absolute best diner in all of Cache Valley. If you're ever in Cache Valley and need some grub this is the place to go. Don't forget to order some hot chocolate. Angie's hot chocolate is a must...don't pass it up. It's the best I've ever had!

(Me at Angie's on my BDay.)

I was showered with gifts & warm happy birthday wishes all day on my birthday. Thank you everyone for making me feel so special!

Of course the real partying started on Saturday the 18th. This was the day of my much anticipated BDAY BBQ!

Deb, Jesse, & MoJo drove from SLC. They were a bit delayed due to the SLC marathon mile marker #22 that was stationed right in front of their apartment! Funny stuff! Rather then waiting for all 7000 participants to run past Deb pleaded to the officer of the law that was stationed in front of their apartment. She informed him that they had to get out. His response was "good luck with that!" Followed by a laugh! Seriously!! After Deb stood there long enough to make him realize that she wasn't taking that as an answer he finally conceded to help her and Jesse get on their way.

They made it to Logan in good time....Jesse drove! :) We even had time to make a trip for some breakfast to....you guessed it....Angie's!

Then we made a stop at the liquor store and got some beverages for the BBQ.

The BBQ was at Harri's house. She went all out for it. Of course the decorations had a purple theme & there was more food then even a small village could eat.

Not to mention more "beverage" then I could consume although I gave it my best effort! One of my co-workers gave me a fabulous recipe for tasty beverage that will totally do the job in getting you completely fucked up. I can testify it works!

*Fabulous BDAY BBQ Beverage Recipe*
(The BBB)
2 liters of Squirt soda
1 packet of blue berry Kool Aid, other flavors can be substituted
1 pint of Everclear 100 proof alcohol!!

Poor out about 3 inches of soda into a glass to make room for the Kool Aid and alcohol. Add Kool Aid packet & Everclear to remaining Squirt in 2 liter bottle. Quickly put cap back on bottle. Be careful when you open the bottle cause it will fizz all over the place. I suggest opening it in the sink. Poor BBB over ice and enjoy! Good times ahead! Here's the best part. You can't even taste the Everclear!!

I would like to think that since I ONLY invited my closest and dearest friends that I won't forever hear about my ridiculous drunken behavior, but alas these ARE my closest and dearest friend so I can pretty much GUARANTEE that I will never hear the end of what an ass I made of myself. Fucking love you guys!

Clay was in charge of the actual BBQ! He is an amazing cook so of course everything turned out perfect! He cooked BBQ beef and pork with my favorite "Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ Sauce." The meat was so tender. Yum!!

Harri's youngest daughter Ashlee was there to eat and laugh at me of course! Cute girl! She's my fave & she shares a birthday with my sister Lisa. Cool huh?

My manager and good friend Manda came. She made this fantastic pasta salad. It was delish!

She also showered me with fabulous presents! My favorite was the purple flip flops of course. They even have purple glittery sparkle on them. And as any former fag hag knows glittery sparkles goes with ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING! Well done! Thanks Manda!!

Course my darling Amber Brown was there. Her husband Julius even made an appearance but I didn't get a pic of him. Amber gave me the most fantastic present. A "Grow your own hermit crab." It's a hermit crab that you submerge in H20 and in about 10 days you have a fabulous "Herriette the Hermit Crab" pet for your very own. She was orginaly "Hazet the Hermit Crab" but I took the liberty to change her name to "Harriette." Much better don't ya think? After the 10 day bath Harriette will be 600% larger then she started out as! Wow!! Here's the best bit. If you take Harriette out of the water she will shrink down to her original size & you can grow her over and over again! Fab!! Love it!

Painting done by Deb

As I've said already I was completely spoiled & showered with birthday gifts. All of which I appreciate but they're are a few gift that mean especially a lot to me. I received 3 paintings & a 1 book of original poetry! I have such talented and gifted friends. Now don't forget the the pics of the paintings are pathetically taken with my camera phone and don't even pretend to do justice to the real beauty of the paintings in real life.

Reprint of painting by Janet Hall

Tulips are my favorite flower. My former manager gave me reprints of 2 paintings she had done. They are stunning in real life. The red tulips was turned into a greeting card by my friend Melissa from work. She got all of my co-workers to sign it.

Reprint of painting done by Janet Hall

The purple tulips Janet just gave me. It is so stunningly beautiful in real life. I'm for sure going to frame it and hang it on my wall. Gorgeous!!

Deb also gave me the first copy of her 1st book of poetry. Deb is a gifted and talented writer and poet. I feel so honored that she would give me such a gift. I know that for those who are artistic their art is part of them. Janet said that giving her art away is like ripping her part of her heart out. Wow, that is intense! I don't really understand this emotion as the only poem I've ever written was just the other night and completely inspired by a bottle of wine. I appreciate those who do have talent and who have chosen to share it with me.

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR MAKING MY BIRTHDAY SO FABULOUS! I LOVE ALL OF YOU DEARLY. I HOPE I CAN RETURN SOME OF THE LOVE & APPRECIATION THAT YOU HAVE SHOWERED UPON ME THIS LAST WEEK!

Just what I needed!

I went to Salt Lake City yesterday to play with Deb, Jesse, & baby MoJo. Of course we had the most fun as we always do. I spent way too much money, but it was so worth it. My mini trip to be with those that I love & love me unconditionally was exactly what I needed. You can't put a price tag on that.
Please click on the olive colored words for more information about store or product.

Here are the high lights of my trip:

• We went to the Old Spaghetti Factory in the historic downtown Trolley Square for lunch. I had chicken marsala. It was way tasty, but for sure not near as good as the chicken marsala that Amanda makes. Don't worry Amanda promised me that the next time she makes it I'm invited! Of course I'm going to hold her to that promise. Delish!
• We then scoped out some of the fun shops in Trolley Square. We went to Cabin Fever. A shop that sales all these weird retro and nostalgic things. I bought "A littlt Golden Book classic" book for MoJo. I got he/she "The Shy Little Kitten" to teach MoJo about the other small member of the family...Muni Cat. I can't wait to read the book to MoJo.
• I also picked up the cutest little cards for Deb & MoJo's baby shower. I know it is many months away. I mean we don't even know the gender of the baby yet! But when you find the perfect cards you have to buy them right? Beauty part is the cards will be great for either a Moses or a Josephine. Cute! Deb thought they were perfect too! I so had to get them!
  
• We then found the most fantastic organic products shop called Trolley Green Giant. They sale all organic and natural products. They even sale my beloved Chico Bag! Most of their health and hygiene products are from a company called Bubble & Bee Organic. Deb ended up buying some lip balm. After I tried hers I was sold & had to have my own tube. Here's the best part! If you have a lip balm with you the Trolley Green Giant will let you trade it in for a FREE Bubble & Bee Organic lip balm. I'm all about free so I ended up trading my Burt's Bees pomegranate lip balm for a Bubble & Bee karma apple. Good choice! I also purchased an unscented lip balm as well. If you're looking for a really great lip balm I defiantly recommend Bubble & Bee Organic.
  
• We then headed over to the Trolley Taffy Station & bought some yummy old fashioned salt water taffy. Salt water taffy is a tourist novelty item in Salt Lake City because of the Great Salt Lake. Course I'm completely fine with this cause it's yummy!
• After all this shopping we just went back to Deb & Jesse's house & did some serious chillaxin.
  
• On a recent trip to Arizona Jesse purchased some kosher wine for he and I as we're both interested in the Jewish religion. We opened the bottle to assist with the serious chillaxin that was going on. Yippee for fabulous kosher Arizona wine. :)
• After more chillaxin I headed north and got home at 10:30ish p.m. It was an all around fun day.
  

Grrr!

I'm having a bit of a rough go at it. There are a lot of negative things going on right now in my life. Each thing on it's own merit is really nothing but all of them combined is really giving me some trouble. Here's my issues:

• It is April and I still have to shovel snow every fucking day!
• I'm having "digestive issues." I'm sure you prefer not to hear details.
  
• I have PMS really really bad. I just want to scream & yell at someone. Any volunteers?
• I've already had 1 migraine this week & I'm trying to get another at this very moment.
  
• Tony is in another country & I'm having doubts that all that he professes is true.
• The "Harri & Kins Show" got split up! This is the biggest one bringing me down as it makes going to work sooo much harder! Fuck work!!! I feel like I'm in morning. Yes, that's how bad it is!
  

Don't worry I haven't given up completely & I'm not a danger to myself.
I'M JUST IN A REALLY FUCKING BAD MOOD!!

The Y chromosome

One of my struggles this last year has been dealing with .....MEN!As you may or may not know for most of my life I thought I was a lesbian. After 2 long term lesbian relationships I've now decided that I am in fact not gay. Perhaps bi. After many years of thinking about my sexuality I've decided that I thought I was a lesbian because I have a firm belief that NO man would ever be interested in me. I'm not sure exactly where this belief comes from. I have suspicion it comes from my feelings about my weight. This belief is upsetting to me so I try not to think about it so much. Consequently I don't have as much insight on it as I do about other personality quirks of mine.

After 31 years of not dating guys I decided to give it a go last year. My friend met her husband on the free dating site plentyoffish.com so I decided to create a profile in March 2008. This started a roller coaster year like non that I could have ever imagined. I won't go into details cause if you've been a part of my life this last year then you already know way to many details. If you haven't been a part of my life you're probably better off not knowing.

Through my experiences I have learned that humans carrying the Y chromosome are a completely different species then humans not carrying it.

I have discovered that men are not genuinely interested in me as a person. This saddens and perplexes me because I have no answers as to why. This last week I was letting this fact depress me so I was discussing the issue over with my friend Amanda. Prior to talking to Amanda I always thought that guys weren't interested in me cause of my weight. Amanda & I are very similar in size & she always has boys chasing her. I decided that I must be putting off an "I'm not interested or looking vibe." How do stop doing that? How do I send a flirty vibe? I have no idea.

People always tell me to be the person I'm looking for. I think I am. I'm looking for a Jewish black man! Does that not perfectly describe me? Hehe! Actually I do think I have many qualities that are desirable.

• I'm smart. I was tested by a psychiatrist cause he thought I had ADD. Nope I'm just a bit hyper-vigilant and completely addicted to caffeine. I guess this can be perceived as ADD. Smart but still can't spell worth a fuck.
• I have a good sense of humor. I find that you have to either laugh or cry at life. I choose to laugh & often for that matter.
• I have well defined interests. These include British history, anything medical, the South Eastern United States culture, an eclectic taste in music, Judaism, reading, swimming, Canon & Daphney, & a small addiction to books...just to name a few.
• I genuinely find others peoples experiences and opinions interesting. I realize that in my life I can't do, feel, or experience everything. I find much pleasure in listening to other peoples stories about their thoughts and experiences. Especially if their experience is something that I would never ever in a million years attempt. What better way to see parts of the world that you may never see if not through the eyes of someone else. I love hearing about other peoples opinion on certain things. Sometimes I'm shocked & usually greatly entertained that people think an feel such things. The important thing is to be open minded enough to be completely fine that not everyone agrees with you. Differences in people make us unique and interesting.
• Good personality traits that I have the market on include being honest, generous, not materialistic, happy, good work ethic, stability, frugality. What would you list here? Deb, Megan, Beth this question is directed at you.
  
• I have hopes, aspirations, goals, big and small:
  
• I hope NEVER to have children.
  
• I hope to travel to England someday.
  
• I hope to convert to Judaism.
  
• I hope to find that one Jewish black man out there that "gets me...." where the fuck are you?
  
• I hope to pay off my credit card this year.
  
• I hope to get rid of all the stuff in the storage unit that I've been renting for the past 4 years. Just think, an automatic $25 saved each month. Anyone want to come help me sort through it....Deb? Jesse? Megan?
  
• I hope to loose weight and become the workout queen that I used to be. As for now all I can say is at least I'm not gaining weight!
  
• I hope to move out of Logan. Preferably back to a warmer climate.
  

This isn't an all inclusive list but it is a bit of what I have to offer. Now tell me why guys are not interested in me? This last year I read a book called "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo. This book gave me much insight into how guys think. It's brilliant...read it. Although, it didn't give me any clue as to what I'm doing or not doing that consistently makes guys not give me a second look. Perhaps I'm just asking a question that will never be answered. Kind of like why exactly was Stonehenge built, who brought the statues to Easter Island, or why are guys not interested in Kins? Things we just may never know.

Ok, I'm officially done thinking about this....for now. :)

Emotions

This week has been an emotional roller coaster! Don't worry....I'm taking my meds...at least on most days when I remember to. Here's a recap of my week:

Sunday:
Hmm, I don't recall anything. I must have slept the entire day away.

Monday:
Another regular day I suppose cause I don't recall anything in particularly special happening.

Tuesday:
Ok, here is were it starts to get good... First of all this Tuesday happened to be January 20th! The inauguration of the 44th United States President. More importantly the inauguration of the 1st American black president. It is amazing to me that in a country where black people were not citizens little own allowed to vote less a 150 years ago now has elected a black man to it's highest political office. As I watched Barack Obama being sworn in as our president I was truly proud to be an American. Well done America, well done!

Tuesday afternoon I got to witness another momentous occasion. This one in person. My dear friend Harri graduated from drug court. Drug court is a program that people with criminal records related to drug issues can go through to get their charges reduced or even dismissed. This is not an easy program. It involves reporting to a judge on a weekly bases, frequent random urine analysis, attending Narcotics &/or Alcohol Anonymous, psychological counseling, steep fines to pay for all of this, and really a complete change of life for a drug addict. Harri graduated after completing the program in just one year. She got her shit together and really dedicated herself to dealing with her addictions. She graduated with 25 months of being clean! Congrats Harri, I'm so proud of you. After Harri's graduation her father took all of the family and me to Fire House Pizzeria for lunch to celebrate. Good times & tasty food. Plus I got to miss a few hours of work for all of this.

When I got home from the festivities I found that my W2s had arrived. Yippee! I tried to file my taxes on my computer using Turbo Tax. Apparently Windows Millennium is to old of a program to use for filing. I rung Harri and asked her if I could use her comp to file my taxes. Of course she said "for sure." She actually said "sure come on up but I may have already had a drink!" Harri lives less then a milish away from me. By the time I got to her house she was already on her second tumbler of whiskey! Just as I was finding out that I was going to get a $600 tax return Harri was working on the last of the whiskey bottle, talking mock 10 with 90% of her vocabulary being some version of the word "fuck," and telling me crazy ass stories about how and why she ended up in drug court in the first place. I just rolled my eyes and was thankful that she was home in a safe place. In the back of my mind of course I was worried that this was the beginning of more using & addiction for Harri.

Wednesday:
I went to work wondering if Harri was going to make it in. And if she did what condition would she be in. I soon found out. At about 6:05-ish Harri strolled in reeking of all things alcohol. She was still fucked up pretty bad and let me know it, as if I couldn't figure it out for myself. I told Amanda that I was driving Harri home...not a good idea to try to work drunk yeah? After work I rung Harri to see if she was still alive. She informed me that she had spent all day with her head in the toilet. For God sakes after being clean for 25 months one does not have the same tolerance one used to.

Thursday:
Harri came to work and declared "never again!" I believe Harri when she says she learned her lesson. She is a strong and amazing person. I know she realized what she has accomplished this last year and what she will loose if she starts using again. I pray that she will remember this experience next time she wants to stop at the liquor store.

Friday:
I woke up to a message on my phone and a picture from my cousin Megan declaring that my new cousin had been born. Carter Thomas Tolman was born Thursday night to Tommy and Jenny. He might be the cutest thing I've seen in a very long time. I'm so excited for Tommy and Jenny. I can't wait for the family baby shower so I can hold the newest Tolman.

That's about it for my week. Oh, I forgot to right about my "guy drama" which was actually a HUGE part of why my week was emotional, but that's a whole other very long story in itself so I'll post that later.....

FYI: The pic on this post is Picasso's painting which I believe is titled "friendship." I'm not a huge fan of Picasso but I like this painting cause it's a bit dark and mysterious. I thought it perfectly depicts the various emotions I've had this week. Dark but not too dark, happy but not too happy. Ok, it makes sense to me.

Friends...

If you're one of the 2 people who follow my blog you know that I had a bit of a rough weekend. Here's a recap:

1. I got sick...
2. I stayed sick...
3. My phone broke...
4. I'm still sick!
5. My phone is still broken!

Don't worry I'm not complaining, not at all. Actually this post it to thank my dear friends who seem to always come to my rescue. Specifically 2 of my friends that came to my rescue this weekend:

*Amanda*
My dear friend and boss Amanda was truly an angel. She rung me on Saturday to see how I was doing....not so good. She went to the store without my even asking and got me lots of good stuff to make me better. She then came to my house with all the great health aides she had just purchased. You have to know that she was a CNA so she has that nurturing gene in her and she's just a genuinely caring person. She came baring cough syrup, throat spray, orange juice, vitamin C, echinacea, & chicken noodle soup. All needed and much appreciated gifts of health. I put everything to good use and am feeling so much better today. I actually made it to work today. More importantly I worked through the whole day & I think I did ok. Thank you Amanda.

*Harri*
The other person who I need to thank is my darling friend Harri. I so wish all of you could meet Harri. She is one of the most unique & fantastic people I have ever met! I was describing Harri to Deb once and we decided that the perfect way to describe her is this: she's the type of person who would kill someone if she had to, but by God she's getting a manicure right after...ya gotta look pretty. This describes her perfectly. Harri was a huge help this weekend and always really. Yesterday when my phone decided it was done I drove to Harri's house, walked in, & said "I need to use your phone." She didn't even ask why I was there at such an hour, why I walked in, or what I needed the phone for. She just handed me the phone and then laughed at me cause I didn't know how to turn it on. I love you Harri & thank you for being you.

I have many more friend who regularly come to my aide. I love and appreciate them just as much. I just wanted to mention Amanda & Harri in this post for the help they gave me this weekend. I hope the rest of you fabulous people that I love so much don't feel forgotten or neglected. I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life that it takes more then one blog post to mention everyone.

FYI: The symbol on this post is the Chinese symbol for "friendship."

$110.00 later....

If you read my blog entry from December, 31st then you know that the drivers side window in my metro decided to prove the theory of gravity to be correct. As I tried to roll my window down to mail an envelope on Wednesday my window proceeded to fall completely down into the door! This may not seem like a big deal to many people but I'm talking about ME...Kins. I know absolutely nothing about cars. Even minor car issues push my blood pressure through the roof. Ignorance is not bliss in this case for me. Lucky for me I have a good car so problems are rare. When they do arise I'm fortunate enough to have a good trust worthy mechanic Ted. I've taken my cars to him for years. After I freaked out about my window and accepted the fact that I couldn't retrieve it myself I rung Ted. I dropped my car off at Ted's Wednesday night. With the help of rides from my good friends Melis, Andy, Amanda, Harri, and a bill of $110.00 I now have my car back all fixed! Thank God for good friends & payday being today.
On a positive and cheaper note I also had Ted give me an estimate on fixing the holes in my muffler. First I must tell you that I got an estimate from "Car Smart" last month when I got my oil changed. Car Smart quoted nearly $300.00 to fix my muffler. Trouble is that I HAVE to have my muffler fixed before the end of February to pass state inspection. Grrr!!!! So here's the good bit...Ted's estimate was...ya ready for it? Ted said he can fix it for a mere $60 bucks! Yippee!! So much better then $300 don't ya think? Yeah me too.